She was the Cinnamon on My Toast.. We Were So Close.

Break-ups hurt. It pangs the heart, the ego and our pride. I’ve suffered many a hurtful severance in past relationships with boys I thought were thebomb.com, but inevitably, were too good to be true (or hardly that). Today, it’s not about any one guy I gave the benefit of the doubt too, it’s about her.

Although I know this blog will never reach her, I will still respect her enough to not mention her name. For all of those who know me and this particular situation, I’m sure you can circumnavigate the bush I’m beating around and can safely assume who this blog is really concerning. For those of you who do not, I’ll just call her “Lynn.”

Lynn and I met in college. For 18 years, we grew up literally fifteen minutes from one another in the same small town, but God didn’t cross our paths until her freshman year at UWG. It only took about a week for us to latch onto one another, and this is how we stayed for the rest of college...inseparable.

Our friendship was easy breezy, loving, fun, memorable but with great dismay, short-lived. Lynn wasn’t just the best friend who I shared with my deepest secrets, thoughts, interests and credo. She was my family, and I loved her likewise.

There’s no reason to brutally rip off any and all band-aids that hide my deep wounds regarding our demise. I’ve learned the past should remain in the past. I’ve forgiven the hurt she caused me then, and I hope she has done similarly. But the truth is I wouldn’t be writing this blog specifically about her if I wasn’t still a little heartsick about it all.

While I understand that God has a plan, and I undoubtedly believe that everything happens for a reason, I still can’t help but question why she and I are no longer in each other’s lives. I begin to wonder if he removed me from hers because I was damning to her well-being or vice versa. Sometimes, I let myself believe she’s better off without me, but I have to quickly remind myself that while I may feel I’m not better off without her, she may just be better at hiding it.

It's not that I constantly sit and stew over this issue, however, some days I do because I miss her considerably. I think about her infectious laugh, her awkwardness, her style, her sense of humor, her goals I admired, her mannerisms, her family, her dog. I think about our friendship, and I hurt because a big chunk of me feels vacant without her.

Although I have reached out several times to her in the past but to no avail, I have to assume there is an underlining issue that has still not been resolved. I'd like to think the genuine alligator tears and the "I'm sorry for everything" covered all the bases, but sometimes people need more than words, and I can respect that. I suppose there is no quick-fix and only time will be the ultimate mend. I really hope we can mend. Please, Lord, let us mend.

It’s the lyrics, the music in the car, the road-trips, the yellow t-shirt, her comfy bed, the movie quotes, the recipes, the late night study sessions, the pictures, the lazy days, the jokes, the parties, the good times and the bad… I miss everything. I miss my Lynn.

My relationship with Lynn was obviously unforgettable. I pray for her and pray our friendship may one day be rekindled. This may not be in the hand we were given, but I just know that I can’t forget about our house of cards.

I love you, Lynn.